That is what I keep asking myself.
"I'm praying for you" sounds too trite. "I know what you're going through" is a lie.
If there was a way to give a hug, a look of sympathy, a feeling of love, and a prayer of comfort into a verbally expressed package, that is what I would say.
One of my really good friends from my early college days died of cancer this weekend. He married another one of my really good friends about four years ago.
He left behind two beautiful daughters and a beautiful wife, inside and out. Today, there was a Spirit-filled memorial service for him, a celebration of his life and a "revival" for many. As his father-in-law and brother both spoke, I couldn't help but think about some words I heard whispered while I was standing in line at his visitation the night before.
"You have to wonder what the purpose of all this is," floated into my ears from behind.
My mind immediately went to Jesus. Because He has a plan. And while we all may wonder, "Why? What, Lord?" when something so devastating happens, all glory must still point back to Him. And it does. Even in times that make absolutely no sense to our human brains.
We try to explain everything that happens and even though life and what happens doesn't always have an answer, we praise Jesus still. A supernatural energy from the Spirit filled my heart today during Jordan's service, and I felt the Lord nudging me and saying, "Taryn, what are you doing? What are you doing in life right now? Are you living wholeheartedly for me? Devoting every second of it? Fulfilling my purpose for you? What part of your life are you still holding onto, what part won't you give to me?"
A death, especially one that hits so close to home, certainly puts everything into perspective. I was standing in line with a friend for the lunch that was provided after the funeral service, and I couldn't help but note that even "lunch" seemed trivial and flaky after such a memorial. I mean, I know we must eat and life must go on... but somehow, I wanted to keep dwelling on the hugeness of this situation and let it soak in. And putting a piece of fried chicken on my plate seemed out of place in that moment. I think I'd rather be in Heaven with Jordan, and my Grandpa Kaiser, and my Grandma & Grandpa Schupbach... and many others.
But God has us here. So I submit a challenge... to myself, and to anyone else. Going back to my previous line of questioning, what am I doing in life? What parts are strong, and what parts need strengthening? Is the Spirit alive and active in my heart, in my mind, and in my actions?
Jordan was an amazing friend. I can still remember all of the good, fun times we had. He helped make my college experience an unforgettable one. Following are some pictures to paint the picture of a few of our great memories...
May his life and all he touched continue to be a little breath of Heaven and a reminder of the hope that lies within all of us.
We always played N64 together!
Egyptian Ratscrew. Jordan was the BEST at this game and I think I only beat him in this game once... and that was probably a fluke.
Heather and I said we wanted to learn how to golf so one day, Jordan took us. I think he spent more time laughing at us then we actually played, but it was fun!
Love you all!