I am going through the fire.
But do you want to know what I told my ladies at jail last week?
"Count it ALL JOY when you fall into various trials."
James 1... my favorite.
That's what I told them. And I felt like a hypocrite the whole time.
But if anyone understands... they do. Count it all joy to... be in jail? My situation pales in comparison to their circumstances, and the environment in which put them there.
More is happening that I can translate into words right now. So for now, I'll stay vague and instead share what God has been doing for me so far through this.
The Lord isn't required to make this easy for me. He isn't expected to reach out and SHOW ME that His arms are wrapped around me. He wouldn't have to touch me through others.
But He is. And for that, I want to cry. His Love never ceases to amaze me.
Yesterday was a very hard day for me. In fact, this whole week has been difficult... probably one of the toughest so far. Up until now, my emotions have been kept in check. I have been dry-eyed and objective. Very un-Taryn. Another miracle I credit to God... He has been my strength through this all.
And the week that I start to crash, He proved His love for me in all of this... TWICE.
Last night, I was at church, excited to hear a topical study on the Holy Spirit. I had taken a seat by the elder's wife.
As were were singing the second to last song before beginning the sermon, my thoughts were a thousand miles away. My brain was cloudy and foggy. I came back to life when she leaned over to me and pointed to the words we had sung.
"This makes me think of you," she said.
I looked at her and then the words on the page, trying to focus on what she was pointing at. I couldn't, though. I couldn't read the words because my eyes were blurry with tears. Through blur, I saw two words: God's promise.
I couldn't tell you the song it was, but I can tell you what she whispered to me in those few precious moments.
She told me that God loves me, and that His promises are true. That He will get me through and be my strength. And that I should believe her, because it is coming from someone who has been tried a time or two.
Tears continued to stream down my cheeks as I silently thanked her over and over for sharing those thoughts with me.
Then, there was tonight.
I was busy on my computer, working on some things, when my phone rang.
I have made it a new habit to ALWAYS answer my phone, even if I don't know the phone number. I glanced at the incoming call and noticed it was an Arizona #. It was not a phone # that I recognized, but I answered it, anyway.
"Hi Taryn," came the voice on the other end, and then she told me who she was.
It was an amazing girl I met in Phoenix about 3 years ago when I took a bunch of my girl friends out to stay at my aunt & uncle's. She had a pool day with us, and we had a lot of fun with her. I kept in touch with her via Facebook, but other than that, I had not talked to her in a couple years.
The words she said next sent chills through my body.
"I just wanted to call you and tell you that for some reason, you have been on my heart over the past few weeks. I just keep thinking about you-- I can't get you off my mind."
In that moment, it was as if God had reached down and put me in the palm of His hand.
The tears came again, but I pushed them back. What went on for the next 10-15 minutes was a beautiful phone call. An unexpected, totally random, yet TOTALLY God-given call from an acquaintance I had not talked to in a couple years.
We talked about what I was going through right now-- unbeknownst to her. All she knew is that I was on her heart, and I needed her prayers. I told her that God is amazing and that He had me on her heart for a reason.
We chatted about our time of life, and about how we were getting along. We talked about how God is faithful, and how God is good.
I could not thank her enough for taking the time to call me. She may never know how much that meant to me.
If I have learned anything over the past few days, it is that God allows us ALL to go through trials at some point, so we can thereby comfort those who need comfort. That has been proven to me two days in a row now.
Thank you to a God who is so much bigger than me, my world, and my circumstances. Thanks to a God that loves me in spite of my weakness, and in fact is STRONG in my weakness. Thanks to a God that never fails me, no matter how many times I fail Him. And thanks to a God who is my Creator, who made me for a purpose, and has placed His purpose of Love in my heart.
Love you all,