Sunday, January 08, 2012

On My Own

I have been wanting to write for awhile. Phrases and topics have been running wild through my imagination daily… and at those exact moments, I wish I could transfer them from my mind to paper. But it doesn’t always work that way, because my best ideas come to me while standing in line at Starbucks, or while running a wedding meeting with a customer, or while deciding between Ranch or Italian dressing in the aisle at the grocery store.

Alas, I come tonight, ready to spill my thoughts. First up is Kitty.

She’s a real joy to have around… keeps me from growing too lonely. In fact, sometimes I lock her in my office so she doesn’t bother me. She insists upon being by my side at all times, whether that entails watching me eat my dinner, stalking my legs and feet as I walk by, or curling up on top of me at night in bed. She has fallen into the toilet multiple times already. She loves to drink out of my bathroom sink (not sure why) and my glasses of ice water. Each time, I carry her to her water bowl and place her in front of it, but it’s just not as cool. She stands on the bath tub ledge between the shower curtain and shower liner while I take showers, and has taken a nap on every piece of furniture in my house.

In a lot of ways, she is still like a little kid. She does exactly what I don’t want her to do, and she knows she’s doing it. Thus, the introduction of a spray bottle filled with water labeled “Kitty.” When she’s naughty, she gets sprayed. She is very outgoing, nosey, and independent. She doesn’t want to do anything by force. It has to be her idea. Fortunately, it is often her idea to curl up next to me on the couch or sit by my side while I’m working on a project, so I never feel too alone.

Transition to my new home has been easier than I expected. The first couple of times that I went back to my parent’s house, it was hard. It seemed weird that I didn’t live there anymore, and the thought of “leaving” to go “home” was a foreign concept. However, it didn’t take long for my new little house to feel like home. It helped that I got to take my bed with me J and some other familiar pieces of furniture.

I do miss my parents, and the constant companionship of having other human beings around. I had a sad moment with each. The night we moved me into my house, my mom, sisters, Kristi and I gathered around my kitchen table for a take-out meal after a long day’s work. Tonya said a meal prayer for us, and after the prayer, I looked over to find my mom in tears. It was a touching moment for me, because up until that point, I was trying to stay strong and not let it be sad. Seeing my mom’s tears, though, and knowing that she would miss my presence at home and the feeling was mutual, brought tears of my own. We shared a special moment then.

My other sad moment was the next evening, when I went to pick up Kitty from my parents’ house. She stayed there an extra night due to me having a busy weekend and not being home much to get her used to her new house.

I gathered all of Kitty’s things and packed her away into my car. I ran back inside for one last thing, and as I did, I saw my dad.

“Hi Taryn,” he greeted. “What brings you here?”

“I’m just here to get Kitty,” I said, then I smiled. “Why Dad, did you want to say good-bye to her?”

My Dad grew from “tolerating” Kitty to actually liking her in the couple of months she had spent at my parent’s house.

“No, no, that’s OK,” he said.

I said good-bye and went outside to get into my car. As I pulled away with Kitty in my lap, I saw my dad watch me leave from the window of the back door. He watched as I pulled away and drove down the street to my new home. Just like that, I burst into tears.

It was like a scene from those songs or movies you watch where the kid drives off to college and the parent watches sadly as they go… and I couldn’t help but get sad one last time. There was no “coming back.” I was truly moving on, venturing into a new chapter in my life. In a sense, I was “growing up,” even more, and taking from their house the last thing I had to claim (Kitty.) It was a realization that gripped me and had me sobbing all the way to my new house.

But upon arrival, I wiped the tears off my face and dropped Kitty in the back door. She sniffed around and was quickly acquainted with her new digs. It was fun seeing her get used to the new place and explore the rooms.

Ever since, I have been happily living alone. As I grow older, I have noticed that I have become more independent. If you had told me 10 years ago that I would be living by myself in a little house, I would have laughed. But at this point in my life, it just seems like the perfect fit. On my first night at my house, I remember thinking it was strange that being here alone didn’t feel more “weird.” But it truly didn’t. It just felt “right,” and I had a contentment in my heart about the entire situation. Even after everyone left and there was nothing left but the finishing touches they had all helped me make on my house… I felt at peace in my new little home.

A wonderful feeling!

I will be back soon to share more life stories. Until then…

Love you all.



Gerry said...

Oh goodness! I am blowing my nose and wiping my eyes as I finish reading this. I just checked the time and date when it was written, and I think I must be the first to read this...but not the only one to shed tears when they read it. It was so good to read the emotions that everyone was feeling and going through...I was too busy oohing and ahhing during my tour the other day, to ask about the details of the emotional side. Keep up your writing, do it so well. And I love taking a peek into your thoughts. Makes me love you even more! xox

Leah Graf said...

Thanks for sharing Taryn! Comforting to know I'm not the only one shedding some tears about leaving home : )