Most of my life is spent rushing around. It's the way I like it. I didn't notice that most people do not set such a pace until one evening a few years ago. My mom had company over and we were both working in the kitchen to prepare dessert when I noticed we were running around...literally. It was if an egg timer was quickly ticking away and if we didn't deliver dessert before it sounded, the kitchen would explode.
I remember making a comment at the time, and both my mom and I shared a laugh, yet we continued on in our busy way.
So some of it is learned. Yet I am convinced that a lot of it is just how I am wired.
I can remember walking the walls oh High School, and my fellow classmates would ask me in passing, "Where is the fire?"
I also walk fast...very fast...by nature. It pains me to be stuck in a slow-moving crowd, and I would rather walk backwards or carry very heavy objects to slow myself down rather than just slow my pace. One of Kristi's biggest pet peeves us when I walk ahead of her, but my natural pace carries me along and before I know it, I'm several feet ahead of her. I have to concentrate and try really hard to walk slow.
All this to say, I have a hard time relaxing, and it's not a wonder why. I like to keep things moving, and even while I am doing one thing, my mind is already anticipating the next step. I get bored very quickly, so switch between projects often. Even my alone time is planned. I am not regimented by nature, but I like to anticipate, so if I can plan on grabbing a coffee later in the afternoon, or taking time for a bubble bath to start a new book, or take a bike ride in the evening (all loner yet enjoyable and somewhat relaxing actitivties), I am as happy as a puppy. But if my schedule is thrown off by something not quite as exciting, I become irritated. If it is something better, I welcome the spontaneous interruption.
So tonight was very unscheduled in my world. Usually I decipher open nights in terms of what, on my agenda, will or will not get done. This doesn't mean I may not get side-tracked or completely change my mind, but like I said, I like to anticipate. And truly, there is always a sense of urgency with each planned activity.
My mom and I grabbed dinner in EP, then I drug her into PetSmart to buy personalized name tags for my cats. When we got home, the evening had cooled to a nice sunny breeze, so I sat outside and assembled my cats' new collars.
As I did so, I couldn't help but realize that time was not a stresser for me tonight... and that is rare. My family used to call me a motor mouth because when younger, I would talk really really fast, trying my hardest to saying everything I wanted to say before someone interrupted or stopped listening. That's how I often feel about time. Like it's going to run out before I can get it all done, hence the sense of urgency.
Anyway, I noted how enjoyable it was to sit outside and enjoy the evening, not letting a to-do list or extraneous responsibilities kill the moment. I thought of how it is all just a mind game. Because when I am on vacation or in a place where I know that time is all I have, I find I can enjoy easier. But everyday life doesn't allow such luxury. It beckons with a schedule, a list of projects, and endless distractions.
My lesson learned for tonight is to take time to smell the roses... and not literally of course, because that would put a cramp in my walking style. Yet even if a brisk walk is exactly what I need, I should learn to fit it in without such a stressful anticipation of the next step in life. I love the feeling of getting lost in relaxation... not to the expense of throwing responsibility to the wind, but to the benefit of pure enjoyment of the moment at hand.
Love you all!