Thursday, November 04, 2010

On Time

In an unexpected and touching e-mail I received from a family friend over a year ago, she had written to me, "Taryn, time slows for no one."

That phrase has often repeated over and over in my mind. I can hear her speaking the words, and every time I do, I realize I have lost even more time.

I have been feeling rather old lately. I know that when I put it all into perspective, I am really not that old. Whenever I make this proclamation, those in their 30s, 40s, and 50s quickly tell me, "You're still SO young!"

But that's what they told me 3 years ago.

How long until I don't qualify for that category anymore?

The other night, I was talking to my mom about my upcoming birthday.

"I'll be 25," I told her.

"No you will not," she replied, "You're going to be 24."

"Actually, I'm going to be 25," I told her again.

I could see the calculations going on her head. Needless to say, I most likely inherited my math skills (or lack thereof) from her. She finally agreed with me. By then, I had already reminded myself that this puts me at a quarter-of-a-century in age.

Sometimes I feel like I am trapped inside of an hour glass, staring out at everyone else around me. For others, time seems to march right on in logical order. Friends get married, have children, move on. Parents age, nieces & nephews grow taller and try out for basketball. And I stand inside the glass, watching it all go on, seemingly trapped in my life that stays still. Day in and day out, I change not, while everyone else marches on to the appropriate part of their life.

Perhaps those thoughts are just an eloquent way of justifying why my life did not necessarily pan out the exact way that I had planned. Yet I am blessed beyond measure all the same. Or maybe the time that passes just gets me panicked. No one lives forever. Every year changes a person.

I was looking through old photo albums recently. Oh, have times changed, and will continue to change.

I found myself looking at pictures of my parents in their youth. Back when I was 4 years old, they were in their mid thirties. The same age group that my older siblings are now in. I found myself staring at my sister wearing a then-trendy 80's outfit, and suddenly I was asking the question out loud, "Are we going to look back at the clothes we wear now and think we looked good?"

I didn't want to hear the answer.

But that's part of what time does.

My friend was telling me about someone who took a picture of himself every day in the same position for a year. When looking at all the pictures next to each other, you could see an evident process of aging over that year. Probably not a notable difference to just anyone who sees someone frequently, but in small, comparable increments the change was noticeable.

We are all aging whether we like it or not. In fact, by the time you get through this post, you will be just a bit older. (Perhaps just as much due to the fact that I'm wordy and this post is longer than it needs to be, in addition to the inevitable process of time).

My comfort in all of this analysis is that fortunately, my trust lies in the One who never does change. I can go from 2 to 25 to 100, and God is still the same.

Thankfully, no matter how much time and age changes a person, it will never change God. His promises will endure, and His Word is always Truth. He is faithful to the end. Over time, God gives life, and He takes it away.

And in His time, He unfolds the best.

I read this quote in one of my bible study books the other day, and really loved it:

"God may not move according to our schedule, but He is right on time for what is best."

Love you all! T


Anonymous said...

I love your posts, Taryn! and I love you!

Gerry said...

Hi Taryn! that last comment was from me, Gerry. I thought it would automatically post who I was. :)

Tasha said...

AMEN sista! God has really gifted you with the talent of thoughts poured into words. and even though things don't always seem to happen when we feel most ready for them, GOD knows and has it all in HIS timing worked out! You are such a beautiful, special, unique, Godly, creative YOUNG lady, and HE's still working on the other parts of your life to come! You are blessed to know you are blessed! even though it's hard sometimes, your have great perspective. LOVE YOU!

Anonymous said...

Dearest little sister . . . you are mistaken. You may feel like you are viewing us all from inside your hour glass, but you are in fact dancing through the sands of time as well. God is growing you into such a lovely, tender hearted, on-fire for Him woman. I am in awe of your passion for your work, your women's ministry, your art, your family . . . your creativity. I love you and count myself blessed to call you sister.

taryn said...

Thanks so much, girls. All of those comments meant so much to me and nearly brought me to tears. LOVE ALL OF YOU! T

Jill Foley said...

Taryn, I love you sooooooo much!!!!
what an excellent post. You are so gifted from God to bless others and just seeing the JOY that Jesus has put inside and out of you is a blessing to me. He has amazing plans for you!!! hugs